The Late Bloomer Phenomenon?

Things happen for Providence's sake and Providence's sake, alone. The late bloomer is certainly no exception. Some view it as a phenomenon. I question that view; I question it because giving it a label like, phenomenon, only seeks to set it apart from everything else in the world; special privileged, if you may. I refuse to look at it as a silly little phenomenon. Nor do I want to exploit it as such. Why does it happen? It happens simply because that is God's intention. And I'm just simply living it out.

"But, that's just too easy to look at it that way," one may say. Or, "God has nothing to do with it, you were just lost and have now four 'your' way." Insert any number of phrases or clichés to explain it away, but it doesn't answer the fundamental question of why?

Let me begin with something I learned about myself in my twenties: I have many interests and I'm naturally curious about life and everything about it. I discovered I have been this way as far back as I can remember. I wanted to know how things worked; what made this thing tick? I'd take things apart, and not always put them back together properly. I'd jump from learning one thing, to another. I wanted to know how. But, there was a problem with this. Well, at least I was told there was. I was told to find something you're good at, do it, and do it well. So, I did. And with that, I found that I wasn't always good at the particular thing. I had grasped a working knowledge of it, but the details of thing would sometimes bog me down to the point of retreat. Then I'd be right back to where I started. Which brings up a great point about this late blooming thing: I have had far too many "start overs" in life.


It's kinda sorta like the movie, "Groundhog's Day". I find myself at the end of a certain thing, well at least I think it is, and move on to something else. But then, I've realized, I go through very similar moments that I had previously gone through. Kinda like when you were in college, and you've got this paper to write. You get going on the computer with it. You're plugging along and then, bang. You haven't saved it, and auto-save isn't a thing yet, because this is 1996 and you're using the current software of the day and they haven't gotten that far, yet. The power goes out. Or your Windows 95 suddenly locks up on ya. Or you hit the power cord with your feet just enough to knock the plug out of socket a bit. Whatever it was, it has killed your words; they're gone. Now you've got to re-write everything from scratch. But, is it really from scratch? After all, you have written it once. So, the ideas are still there, to some degree. You've had the chance to flesh them out. You know you have to get to work. A professor isn't going to sympathize with you to the point of, "it must of been a wonderful paper, I'll give you another chance. I'll extend the deadline." That doesn't work in the real world, and at one time, it didn't work in colleges.

So, here I am, forty-four years old. I've got a great dog, a vehicle, and a roof over my head. Not too bad. But, certainly not where I'd expected I'd be when I was in my twenties. I was hoping to be much, much more, and certainly farther ahead than I am now. What happened? Why am I where I'm at? The answer to that is, me. I happened. I am at where I am at because of me. And when I am shaken free from me, I will reach where I'm supposed to go. As I had started: Things happen for Providence's sake and Providence's sake alone. I'm certainly not entirely shaken from me, just yet. But, I have realized that things don't happen because the me inside want them to happen; they happen for Providence's sake, meaning that there is something greater than me Who has already planned everything out and everything is following His perfect order. That's a very hard thing for people to grasp. I've even had issues with it in the past. I was always under the impression, as this is what I was taught, that if I just put my mind to something, and believed in myself, that I could do anything or become anything.

Hogwash.

First of all, I have failed so many times, that believing in myself is completely out of the question. I cannot be depended on. What a statement to make, eh?!?! Imagine saying that in an interview? "Yeah, Mr. Employer, the one thing you can depend on, is that I cannot be depended on." There's a job I won't be getting anytime soon. My point is, the more I look to myself for direction, the more I end up in a hole. A deep one, at that.

Now, remember earlier that I said I like to find out how things work? Well, one of the greatest discoveries I've made is that the things that have happened in my life aren't for me. They have happened for Providence's sake. I have reached this place in my life not for my "good fortune" or "self-discovery" or any other cliché or phrase used to describe this. We all run around thinking, "oh, this good or bad thing happened to me so that I can be a better me."

Hogwash.

Thing's happen because it has been ordained to happen. We actually have far less control over things than we think. We lead ourselves to believe we have all this control, but let me ask you, can you stop the sun from shining? Can you stop a planet from going around the sun? Can you even create a planet and put life on said planet? Probably not. "That's just foolish." One would say. Of course it is. It's also foolish to think that one is in complete control of their very own destiny.

Again:
Hogwash.


Why is this such hogwash? Because, I can no more make myself into an eagle than I can make time stop. I can't do either of these. I can only do what has been put in front of me. And even that could change in a nano-second.

How does all this have to do with being a late-bloomer? A lot. I wasn't ready then for whatever is going to happen for Providence's sake. And I may not be quite ready for it at this very moment, but I am being prepared. I am being prepared for something to happen for Providence's sake and Providence's sake, alone. In the meantime, I will enjoy the preparation process, because it is, after all, for Providence's sake, alone.